Monthly Archives: December 2012

Another cycle


Starting clomid again, 75 mg.


Made the decision to skip an iui this month, just try the old fashioned way along. No sense in spending the extra money if I end up finding out I have LPD.

Very frustrating, trying mostly not to cry 90% of my day.

Court date in January looms, expecting no changes once more.

Like beating my head against a door frame some days.




I am aching inside.

I feel so sad with this month, this cycle, and our inability to have a baby the old fashioned way.

First cycle of IUI was a disaster. First, I didn’t ovulate until day 27. WTF, body, day 27… really? I have to drive to and from our clinic which is an hour away.

We started cycle monitoring on day 10, went every other day for 10 days with no sign of a follicle 10mm or larger. The doctor in clinic was about to start progesterone to bring on next cycle, told me to come back in 2 days to see my own RE.

Day 22 I go in to see my RE, he has a new resident, asked if I wouldn’t mind doing another monitoring ultrasound to show her and low and behold… a freaking 10 mm follicle.

Day 25, drove down – 16mm

Day 26 – 18 mm
Day 27 – 20 mm

Day 28 – IUI day.

IUI day was a nightmare. Husband has MS, so getting a sample is tricky on a good day. It took us 5 hours, between pressure and frustration and crappy night of sleep in an unfamiliar hotel… Ugh. Then, sample success, husband loses his balance and half of sample ends up in places other than cup.

Still good! Except I thread the lid on the cup wrong and we lose even more of it. Finally got in to clinic and sample is just barely above the cut off to even perform the IUI.

Day 37 – spotting.

We have been down this road now for over a year and while this was our first IUI, I am sad and angry and so incredibly frustrated. It does not help that we’ve had friends getting pregnant on their first try and BiL and his wife deciding last November that “a summer baby would be nice” and then just, you know, getting on the first try also. I don’t begrudge anyone an easy healthy pregnancy, it’s just really hard to sit back and be excited about something we want so desperately, but cannot seem to do.

All I want for Christmas


Is for my ex to grow two things.

A heart.

A brain.

I cannot believe ex won’t advocate for the girls to see their brother. It’s disgusting and selfish. I would move heaven and earth to make this happen for them safely.

Perhaps while worrying about growing new breasts, the grinch disregarded the fact that her heart is still two sizes too small.