Monthly Archives: August 2012

I’m so sorry


Monday night I learned that my ex is sick of “taking all of the blame” for this situation.

Apparently, Fallon and new wife Rebecca want me to take on responsibility and blame in the sexual assaults that left me with no option but to leave my first marriage.  According to them, I did something to warrant the attacks. I’m not sure if it was my refusal to give in to the constant harassment to go participate in couples swinging, threesomes and a variety of other activities that I didn’t agree to or with. Maybe it was for not agreeing that is would be right my first husband sleep with whomever he chose? Apparently, these are justifiable situations where I should apologize for driving Fallon to rape.

I’m sorry Fallon. I’m sorry you are such a deluded, deviant rapist. I am truly sorry that you are an angry, violent human being.

I’m sorry I didn’t see who you really were sooner.

I’m sorry my children may have to deal with your crimes as they age.

I’m sorry you haven’t truly changed.

The fact that you’re not sorry… well, that’s makes me feel sorry for you most of all.


From the lawyer representing the children, based on a laundry list of reasons, there was a recommendation of status quo. No changes to be made. Needless to say, my ex is unhappy with this recommendation.


This is the last I can publically post about this for the duration of the settlement conference and trial.


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This is it


big breath


today is a big day for custody stuff.


right now i am sitting in a boardroom, waiting to hear from my children’s lawyer


i’m writing this at 3 pm, to post later… right now i’m trying not to throw up in my mouth a little bit



I see what you did there


I love how you tell people you were unjustly jailed. I love how you use your jail term as unfortunate side effect of a violent act that helped put you under a microscope to really examine who you are. I love that you still lie to people.

Never mind that you admitted in writing to your actions

Ignore the fact that you pleaded guilty in court

Ignore the fact that you did, in fact, rape me. Next to your sleeping infant daughter. When I was carrying your second daughter. When I told you I was leaving. When I told you no.

When you damn well felt like it, actually.

You know what? Forget that. No sugar coating, Fallon. You are a registered sex offender, a rapist and a liar and you continue to hide your real self.

Unlike you, I don’t have to carry this shame anymore. A lot of truth is going to start pouring out.

Grief and sins


I am in a difficult state.

A dear, sweet friend of mine will be burying her baby sister this week. A sudden loss.

A 16 year old girl, not even old enough to have experienced the wonder of the world without the oppression of sadness and depression.

I am finding myself struggling with the news of this child, the turn this took for my friend and her family. I am trying hard this morning to not cry in front of the children. It makes no sense, I hardly knew her. My friend, her loss, her family.

It all rings familiar. When my friend was a teen and her sister was a small child, they were separated because one parent wasn’t allowed contact with the little girl. The children in the small family split up by the burden of ‘half-sibling’ issues. The reunited after years apart. My friend and her brother in her late twenties, her sister in her early teens. They had only a few short years to reconnect before losing her to this.

When I’m asked why I think it’s important for my ex to put his crap aside and let the girls see their brother without him… this will be the moment that shapes my answer now. Just because the parent is a danger, does not mean the children shouldn’t have the opportunity to be in each others lives.

Children should not have to suffer the sins of their father.