10 years

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By now, I’m married (I hope). I’ve written this post in advance of the date because I always get emotional when I talk about it.

I have so many conflicted feelings about 9/11.  When everything else in the world was getting so much scarier, I was getting the phone call to let me know that my life was going to change forever. Just after the second plane crashed into the WTC, I learned I was pregnant with my daughter, H.

My doctor’s office called me, I was so happy about the news on the phone and at the same time I was watching Canter Fitzgerald collapse, wondering if someone I knew was inside. Blessedly, I learned the next morning he had schedule the day off… but he hasn’t been the same since that day. Feeling overjoyed that I was going to have a baby. Feeling terrified that the world had just changed forever.

It was so conflicted and still is. I remember crying, watching people jump from the building in, I don’t know… an attempt to live? To make it go faster knowing they weren’t going to survive? Trying to relax because even at 4 weeks along, I worried about the stress on the baby.

I worked at RIM at the time, and weeks post 9/11 our department became responsible for determining which blackberries were lost in 9/11 and who still needed to be billed for their service. We had to ping each blackberry registered to the trade centre address. Each ping would result in one of 2 times. A date of 9/11, or a current date. Each 9/11 date caused nausea for me. I was 2 months pregnant, heavily emotional when it came to the wrong brand of butter… as you can imagine how 9/11 pings just about did me in if Gay-lea butter made me weepy. By the time I left my job, I couldn’t take it.

I wish I was still as blissfully naive as I was when I woke up on September 11.

I’m sure this isn’t the post wedding post you expected, and there will be pictures and word of happiness later tonight if I can steal away from packing up the last of our honeymoon bags.

Until then, hug the ones you love. Respect the people you hate. Saying a prayer for those you would harm or would seek to harm you. We’re all on this planet together, and the pain we all cause needs to stop.

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