The ‘girl’ in 1 girl…

Standard

Here’s the scoop!  I am a 32 year old mother of 2 elementary aged children.  I am living with the love of my life and we plan to get married in almost 1 year.

September 10, 2011 (or 9-10-11)

This is my second shot at marriage. You’ll see stories here that talk about my first marriage, mostly because it plays a large part in how I got to this point today… I’m putting it out there internet.

I currently weigh (as of this morning) a whopping 119.5 kg (263 lbs).

This sucks, I mean… really, really sucks. I feel gross, my joints and feet hurt, I hate the way my body feels in clothing. I hate the way it looks without. I’ve long since given up shirts that only come to my waist and button fly jeans.  My clothes have just reached Canadian size 20 down from 24 after 2 months of hard work and a looss of almost 18 lbs over the last 6 weeks.

Here’s the game plan

  • change of diet – we need to learn to cook new and interesting things!
  • change of lifestyle – work it, baby! Every morning, rain or shine I get up at 5:30 a.m. and drive to the gym.  I do 40 minutes of cardio every day and 20 minutes of circuit training every second day.  Right now I’m participating in a boot camp style fitness class on Tuesday and Thursday that replaces the circut for the short term but I will still do one circuit on the weekend.
  • change of mind – I have issues.  Bags of them.  Some from a weight obsessed family member, some from weight obsessed friends, some from a struggle with bulimia that began at 16.  A lot of them from my first marriage. I was emotionally and physically beaten down.  I was raped, degraded and made to feel like I was worth nothing for the better part of 6 years… and that takes a heavy toll on an already insecure person.  For this I will be going to therapy and writing in this blog.  Those posts will be behind cuts, I know how much it stinks to read things that trigger flashbacks and nightmares and I’m not about to drag anyone down that road with me.

Now, enough of how I got here.  Here is where I want to be…

A year from now, I want to be in a beautiful, strapless wedding dress that makes me look and feel like a million bucks.

I want to shop it regular size stores.

I want to ride on space mountain on my honeymoon.

I want to run 5 km without falling over 500 metres in.

I want to race around with my kids and be able to keep up.

I want to fit in to a size 12 jeans.

I want to wear all of this cute lingere I have sitting in drawers.

I want to avoid diabetes and heart disease.

I want to feel good going out to dinner with friends.

I want to climb the CN tower stairs.

Most of all… I don’t want to die, I don’t want to be that mom that embarrasses her kids because of her size and I don’t want to lose momentum.

So, here it is.  Here we go.

Advertisements

4 responses »

  1. Your honesty and openness is really refreshing. look forward to reading more about your journey. i know you can be that happy, healthy mom and bride you want to be. 🙂 is that you and your man in the photo up top? you’re beautiful!

  2. Same boat, same journey, only (thankfully…) less baggage– I try to pack light!! Wishing you well and looking forward to following your blog… Might even work some magic on my own Mr. Coldfeet!! 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s